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Earth No Longer a Planet

It’s been many months since Pluto was downgraded from an official planet to a dwarf planet, but the controversial decision apparently was just the beginning. Yesterday, the International Astronomical Union (IAU) released a new list of astronomical changes that will likely be even more controversial than the Pluto decision.

The list of changes include Saturn being downgraded to a “weird thing with rings”, Uranus being renamed to Urpenis, and Earth being downgraded to debris.

Earth being downgraded to debris is apparently due to the fact that the makeup of Earth’s atmosphere and mass is now largely human waste and other such garbage. According to IAU’s complex algorithms, the increase of waste now forces them to designate Earth as merely debris. Many religious spokespersons have spoken out against the change as it largely undermines the foundations most religions are based on.

President Bush has made a statement urging the IAU to come up with new algorithms that will allow Earth to remain a planet and has said he’ll use “any means necessary” to make sure it happens. He’s also suggested that the new definition could perhaps be due to a connection between the IAU and al-Qaeda.

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